The Maturity Plea

Irresponsibility is unattractive. Especially in adults.  It's one thing if it happens once in a while, but when someone dodges the responsibilities of being a grown up most of the time, it can be ugly.   I know people like that.  Living the carefree life.  Taking care of business that makes them feel good.  Leaving challenges for the uncontrollable events at work.  Digging in when the pressure is on, but leaving things to the last minute overall.  Breezing by like a butterfly--oh, doesn't that air feel nice. Maybe it is my Type A personality that wants more answers, more planning, more movement, but I think it is more than that because I know how to dig in myself and be patient when I need to be.  It's not easy being mature.  That's for sure.  Mainly because there isn't a clear recipe for it.  Adults have responsibilities related to their lives.  If they have children, they have duties related to finance and security breathing down their necks.  If they are married, they have someone to answer to every time they feel like sitting down to watch a nice long evening of television.  If they own a business or work in a high-pressured job, they need be accountable to their teams and for their actions.   But, just because there isn't a "how-to" list for maturity, doesn't mean that we shouldn't be trying our best to live up to the expectations of those around us.  I'd like to see people own-up to a thing or two.  I'm sure it is a way to relieve each other of undue stress.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Perfection

Quite often I want to be perfect. Not so much consciously, but as part of what drives me.  And I don't need to be perfect at everything--just the things that I care about. For instance, health. After my sophomore year at Emerson College, I moved to Los Angeles where I became a vegan and felt the best I ever felt energetically (of course being 20 had nothing to do with it.)  Slowly over the years, I added fish, chicken, dairy, meat, and most recently, coffee back into my diet.  Anyone looking at my diet would say that it is still super healthy.  For the most part, I cook regularly and eat fresh vegetables and foods without preservatives.  I drink water and stay away from all juice and soda (with the occasional sip of my fiancé's guaraná or cola--another of my latest additions.) But, to me, every time I have a cup of coffee or a delicious piece of Brazilian linguica, I feel the whip come out to beat myself up. Intellectually I know that balance works well for the health, but I also have a wish to return to those days when I was super clean on the inside assuming it would make me even more productive, energetic, clear-thinking, and "perfect"! Hmmp?! What to do...what to do?  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Secret Desires or Dark Thoughts?

I was doing yoga today and while in the upside down pose of Downward Facing Dog, my eyes danced upon the shining reflection of the legs of a chair on the white tiled floor.  I felt an incredible feeling that I was being swept away by heaven.  In less than a millisecond I realized that there was no heaven nor near-death experience upon me--I was simply upside down looking at the glow in my floor.  It made me wonder if I had some dark thought about preferring to be on the other side or if this passing feeling was just a secret desire.   And was a dark thought bad and a secret desire good?  Could wanting to be surrounded by light and love even be a bad idea?  Well, for some, quite frankly, thinking about death scares the bejesus out of us (which wouldn't be so bad if we were planning on hanging with the angels.)  The point is that all of our thoughts have a place in the process of understanding ourselves. Recognizing each thought and how it acts or keeps me from acting is one of my goals for 2012.  How about you?   To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Feeling Like Scrooge

Anybody out there have a friend or family member who holes up over the holidays?  I'm fortunate to say that I don't have many close to me boarding up the windows for the season.  But, it does seem to be rampant whether it is in the cold, windy city of Chicago or the tropics of Indonesia.  Nobody likes to be told when to be joyful.  Nobody wants to feel obligated to go shopping and exchange Secret Santa gifts.  But, it is an opportunity to connect with people which is something we all could use while we dig ourselves out of our financial mess.  I was walking up the stairs of Grand Central last week (where by the way they have just opened a very cool Apple store, I must add!), and an older woman was bumping her suitcase up the stairs.  I didn't think twice about helping her.  We smiled, said a few words and it made me feel good though that wasn't my intention. Because a lot of us are in the mood to feel good over the next few weeks, let's take advantage and reach out and touch some folks.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com  

The Disco Ball

A good friend and I have very different perspectives on life. You could say I am positive and she is negative.  She is skeptical and I am a believer, or I am optimistic and she is doubtful (or realistic as she would say.)  She thinks I indulge in new agey behavior and I think she is wildly cynical.  However you put it, our views are often so radically different you'd wonder what we have in common.  About 10 years ago, I told her that I thought we "clashed" and that brought up a slew of commentary from both sides. According to her, I must have been using the wrong word because how could we possibly "clash?" (I came to find out today that Dictionary.com's definition of clash is to conflict or disagree. Now that is a definition I could have stood behind fifteen years ago.) Even in the discussion of the word clash itself, I saw us having completely different perspectives while she viewed us as more similar.  This discussion caused the biggest argument of our friendship and because I was less outspoken at that time, I harbored it for a year before I told her how upset it made me.  She was shocked that I had waited so long to say something.  Since that time we have only become closer friends, despite our different perspectives.  In fact, we acknowledge and often joke about them.  But our similarities related to politics, the arts, loyalty, humor, travel, etc. are certainly the glue of our friendship.  I can honestly say that the reflection she shines is one of the most satisfying of my friendships.  What I have come to understand is that it is the challenges that she poses in our conversations and the different opinions she provides that stir me to be a better person, a better communicator and a more well-rounded human being.  I know it is easy to shy away from people who seem different from us, but we just have to think of them as the disco ball shining the light on our dance floor.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com  

Be Careful

I spent Thanksgiving holiday with my fiancé
on our new piece of land.  We were busy planting, fixing the road, walking down to the river and driving our car in the mud.  And every thing we did, came his words, "Be careful!"  Soon, I felt like I was six or seven years old and that I was incapable of walking down a set of stairs without holding someone's hand.  For anyone who knows me well, I have an air of confidence about me.  The thought of me looking timid and hesitant would probably be inconceivable to many of my closest friends.  But, there I was being careful every step I took.  Finally, I began to react each time he asked me to be careful.  "Stop telling me to be careful!  I'm not five!"  And so the weekend went until I found myself telling him to...that's right...be careful with every thing he touched and did.  Seemed he didn't like the taste of his own medicine.  And so, we soon began to find the humor in our desire to keep the other safe.  This turn of events was a surprise.  What was becoming an irritating communication, was something we could both begin to laugh at and understand on a whole new level.   Communication is often about expression and the words we choose along with the way we speak really define the nuance behind our message.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Creative License: Mas, A Vida É.

I was sitting on the front porch of my country house watching the sunset.  I was frustrated thinking about the poor level of my Portuguese.  As I began judging myself for my lack of proficiency, I decided to recite a poem in Portuguese.  Not one I read.  Not one I memorized.  Not even one someone else wrote.  One I made up on the fly.  Sure, it was simple.  Sure I don't remember every line.  But because I love to write poetry in English, this format of Portuguese came easily.  It was the creative license that allowed me to risk my desire for perfection and just speak.   I was truly surprised by the level of improvisation that I was using and more importantly, how it worked.  When I needed a verb, it appeared.  When I wanted to end the sentence, I found a way.  And when I wanted a refrain, I remembered it each time.  So, unfortunately, I can't I remember all of my first Portuguese poem, but the refrain, yes:  Mas, a vida é. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com