Up Here

My family celebrated my paternal grandmother's 100th birthday this past weekend by throwing a party. 50 of our relatives came out of the woodwork to wish her well. Her official birthday is June 30th. And my maternal grandmother is going to be 102 on November 10th. Aside from the expected loss of sight, periodic lapses in memory, and reduction of appetite, I have to say that these two ladies are remarkable. They maintain conversations and they are sharp. In honor of my Grammy's 100th year, many of us gave short speeches. It was interesting to see how some presenters were uncomfortable when they didn't have eye contact from her. There were times that she needed to look away, feeling emotional and wanting to hold it together. It just made me realize that, sometimes, we look away from someone who is speaking to us when we sense that we may reveal something about ourselves (make ourselves vulnerable) by maintaining eye contact. In general, I say, look away but come back as soon as possible. For Gram, I'm gonna let her slide. This year! Happy 100th Gram! To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Nice To Know You, Steady!

I lost my voice this past week-laryngitis. Just at the time I lost it, I had a multitude of important things planned--coaching engagements, a visit from my family, a dear friend in from out of the country, and then a half-day communication skills workshop for Monday that I had to reschedule. Being forced to stay quiet lead me to think about what it would be like to have a different communication style. What if I were more of an "S" (Steady) or "C" (Conscientious) in the DISC® Profile? If I were more Steady in my communication, I might be more patient with myself when responding to emails and avoid having to write one right after the other to correct or add to my point. If I were Conscientious in my communication, I might be more analytical in my speaking style and have interesting facts available to back up my ideas. Although, like everyone, I am an ultimate mix of all four styles, my strongest types are a "D" (Driver) and an "I" (Influence) which means that I am direct and enthusiastic in my approach. Quite often I can be misinterpreted because I come across as too strong or overly lively, but I have learned how to adjust my style depending on who I am talking to in order to build trust in my conversations. I like doing right by people and because that is true, I stay extra aware of the way that I communicate. It wasn't easy for me to cancel my coaching clients or refrain from many conversations with my out-of-town friend and family, but being that it was impossible to use my voice, I had to surrender into a more Steady approach. Nice to know you, Steady. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Technology Breakdown

Technology has been down all week and my temperature hit the ceiling and already ran down the walls. When I get frustrated by things that are out of my control, I always tell myself to take a break, go for a walk, turn it off, come back later, etc, etc. But, guess what, I rarely take my own advice. And then, suddenly, I am incredibly tense and pushing myself beyond my limits. It's been said a million times that technology, though meant to make life easier, has often muddled communication, delayed projects, and prolonged processes. I'm taking the week off from blog-land and will be back with more communication tips when my "communication" technology is running more smoothly. Stick around...To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

Is That What I Meant To Say?

Most people consider me to be very direct in my communication. That is why they are surprised when I am vague or even floundering for words. Quite frankly, it surprises me too. I can feel it when it happens. I hesitate; I repeat myself; or I feel the wrong words coming out of my mouth. Just this past weekend I was trying to tell a good friend of mine that I wasn't able to receive her friend as a guest in my apartment. But, instead of saying so, I told her that I would see what I could do. I felt responsible for the success of her friend's trip. I didn't want her to think I wasn't grateful for all the things she had done for me in the past. But, I had just gotten back from being out of the country for six weeks and I wanted to regroup in my NYC studio apartment by myself. What could have been one clear communication turned into days of my stressing and her having the wrong impression. When things like this happen, I reinforce the very communication coaching work that I do. Help people be direct without hurting others; state the facts and avoid being emotional; or provide solutions that will help the other person when I am unable to assist. It's easy for me to get swept up in other people's needs and to put myself last. I've known this for years and have worked on it. I'm learning to speak up when I am uncomfortable with something, but I do worry about how I will be perceived. One of my coaches once told me to start by saying, "I don't know how to say this, but..." I like this idea if I can only remember to use it when I am in the middle of a conversation. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.

What Are You So Afraid Of?

Very often I hesitate before I speak. I want to make a point, but I wait a little longer to be sure I've considered everyone's thoughts. I want to ask a question, but I don't want anyone to think I'm unintelligent, so I sit a while more. It happened again tonight when I was walking home with the intentions of giving my leftover food to a homeless person. I was rehearsing what I would say as I strolled slowly looking for someone in need. And when I saw him with that aimless look in his gait, and that far-off stare in his eyes, I thought, "I don't want to insult him. I don't want him to think I am making assumptions about his position. I shouldn't stop..." And then, all of a sudden, out came, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you hungry?" I asked. "Yeah," he replied in a low growl. "Would it be alright if I gave you some food?" And I held up a bag filled with a healthy, yummy meal. He nodded and took the bag. It was only when I walked away that I realized that I actually was hesitating to ask him. I was compelled to write about this because I think of myself as an outgoing person, yet have noticed on many occasions that I consider other people's feelings so much that I even thought twice about giving food to a man in need. I'm sure glad I'm experienced enough to know that facing my fears is worthwhile. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week, please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com.