Be Careful

I spent Thanksgiving holiday with my fiancé
on our new piece of land.  We were busy planting, fixing the road, walking down to the river and driving our car in the mud.  And every thing we did, came his words, "Be careful!"  Soon, I felt like I was six or seven years old and that I was incapable of walking down a set of stairs without holding someone's hand.  For anyone who knows me well, I have an air of confidence about me.  The thought of me looking timid and hesitant would probably be inconceivable to many of my closest friends.  But, there I was being careful every step I took.  Finally, I began to react each time he asked me to be careful.  "Stop telling me to be careful!  I'm not five!"  And so the weekend went until I found myself telling him to...that's right...be careful with every thing he touched and did.  Seemed he didn't like the taste of his own medicine.  And so, we soon began to find the humor in our desire to keep the other safe.  This turn of events was a surprise.  What was becoming an irritating communication, was something we could both begin to laugh at and understand on a whole new level.   Communication is often about expression and the words we choose along with the way we speak really define the nuance behind our message.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Creative License: Mas, A Vida É.

I was sitting on the front porch of my country house watching the sunset.  I was frustrated thinking about the poor level of my Portuguese.  As I began judging myself for my lack of proficiency, I decided to recite a poem in Portuguese.  Not one I read.  Not one I memorized.  Not even one someone else wrote.  One I made up on the fly.  Sure, it was simple.  Sure I don't remember every line.  But because I love to write poetry in English, this format of Portuguese came easily.  It was the creative license that allowed me to risk my desire for perfection and just speak.   I was truly surprised by the level of improvisation that I was using and more importantly, how it worked.  When I needed a verb, it appeared.  When I wanted to end the sentence, I found a way.  And when I wanted a refrain, I remembered it each time.  So, unfortunately, I can't I remember all of my first Portuguese poem, but the refrain, yes:  Mas, a vida é. To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Who Am I Protecting?

I have always had the tendency to protect those I care about from having difficult conversations.  I don't want to ruin their day, their moment, their...anything.  But the truth is that I just don't have the courage to say what is really on my mind for fear of ruining their day, their moment, their...anything.  The two may sound the same but they are, in fact, very different.  I don't know that their day will be ruined.  For them, an honest, direct conversation may be appreciated. Aren't I just protecting myself from taking a risk that may fail? Aren't I just afraid that I won't have the right words at the right time with the right tempo to keep the conversation going? Maybe my concerns hadn't been well thought out. Maybe I don't know what to say once I get started. Maybe I'll hurt his feelings or he won't understand what I meant. Maybe, just maybe, all of these thoughts are the very fear that create an entirely new layer of confusion on a conversation.  If I could simply notice the simplicity of a feeling, recognize it as human and not unlike how others could feel, perhaps I could step up and speak up in those moments.  There is no doubt that I am much better at these challenging interchanges than I used to be.  But, I do notice from time to time that I create a backstory to a subject that is probably much more interesting to talk about with those I care about than to repeat the dialogue in my head a million times until I get it right.  It is never right. It just is.  And until it is communicated, it will just drive me batty.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Nature Me

I spent last weekend in nature--no electricity, wood burning stove for cooking, and a variety of animals to observe. It's easy to get antsy in this kind of environment, but it is also easy to develop your intuitive side.  While I was sitting on the hot rocks down by the river, I found myself deeply relaxing (something I rarely do).  The voices in my head were quieted to one.  The anxious scratching of my head and tapping of my feet were channeled into a calm.  I found myself less worried and more trusting that what needed to happen, would come to pass; that who I needed to collaborate with, would become obvious; that where I needed to focus my attention, would present itself.  The voice I was hearing was one of intuition.  Communication has this instinctual element available if we are looking to develop it.  Next time you are in nature, take advantage of it.  Tune in to the way the birds sing--they repeat the same melody again and again.  Why?  How can that be of any significance in the development of your communication? Watch how the stars appear in the night sky--they touch the dark slowly and then like a blanket of light.  What ideas come from this meditation?   To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com

Watch That Tone

I am about to start a project with a sourcing professional who has a tendency to show his passion at work with an overly strong tone of voice. When he called me the other day to discuss the proposal, it was more like an outrage regarding a point I didn't follow to the tee. It disturbed me.  I know him from previous work we'd done together and although he'd mentioned that he can lose his patience some times, I had never seen it. This time it was out in full force.  I was so taken by surprise that I responded from my gut, "Are you frustrated?  Because you sound frustrated.  If you are, I can't speak with you like this."  I said it calmly and matter-of-factly.  He paused.  I'm sure he was not expecting this from me. In that moment, I was just another commodity to him that he was sourcing.  But, the truth is that human communication is not a commodity.  At no time do we have the right to attack someone with our tone of voice, our assumptions or our discontent.  We do it all the time, but certainly as responders we do not have to accept it.  I understood where his dissatisfaction was coming from and I knew it wasn't me.  So, pointing it out to him seemed to work.  After he paused, he came back with a calmer tone ready to have a conversation.  The trick in situations like this is how to stop someone in their tracks before they get caught in their own emotion with no way out.  I think one of the most important points to remember is that you have to keep a calm tone if there is going to be any chance of reining them in.  To be added to Lanartco's Communication Performance Tip of the Week (a separate weekly message), please connect to this link or send your email address to info@lanartco.com